Saturday, December 17, 2011

>>>-WILL WORK FOR FOOD-<<<

That's right, no lie WILL WORK FOR FOOD


well, rather get a real day job, like maybe cleaning houses and yards, doing laundry and other real work.


For three years I received widows survivors checks and worked hard to make the transition from traditional off-set printing to online advertising. I had worked long hours and made good income in a printing company but in those years neglected my family and in the end lost my spouse. A lot of what I had learned about graphic design and printing from a hands-on offset printing shop has been lost and is nearly impossible to recover much less be able to learn and retain the new wave of internet marketing..


There was first being blessed with the newest equipment to work with, then creating websites and blogs, and last of all is Odesk where I have got some work and certainly met some good friends. I am still unable to focus and concentrate for long enough periods of time much less provide any kind of service in a productive manner.


In these past three years, my kids became very troubled over the loss of a parent as we struggled in a crime-infested neighborhood. Nearly all means of support from family and friends has been exhausted. I have been terrorized by drugs, weapons, violence and repeated raids of my house by the police. My son and his friend were involved in neighborhood crime and almost got shot about a month ago and he has been taken away by state youth services. I really believe the only reason I havent been jailed is because I am housebound from being disabled and unable to drive. On the last raid by police, animal control was called to remove the family dog which had served to protect our home. So now I am a prisoner in my own home because it is not safe for me to go anywhere, my kids are gone and it is not safe for family or friends to stay with me. I have become unable to trust anyone anyway and have lost a lot of the skills needed to function in the outside world.


And now the widows survivors checks we received are gone as my kids became of age and so I had to let go of the health insurance I had to pay for. The checks were not enough to live on and so now I am in debt and could lose my house because it won't sell well in my neighborhood and it is in such distress from not being able to keep it clean or make repairs. I may also be losing utility services such as power and water. Sometimes I don't have enough to eat. But I am not alone. Most of America is now faced with the same problems I am having. 


My only hope left is to earn a livelihood by somehow rebuilding my family and becoming involved with my community, I just don't know where to start but to somehow rise from the damages done, the ruins of my life as a shut-in to restore my family, move forward in my community. My biggest dream is to to be able to see as many people, families and communities possible to stand up, bind together  and rise above hardship and difficulties for a better world around us.




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Wednesday, August 24, 2011

A Better Outlook on Life and a Brand New Attitude...

I hate to repeat myself but I had a usual check-up in January 24, 2011 (for anyone who has not read)


A referral for a mammogram was given to me.


Then abnormal results were found in my lab work and it was recommended I come back in 6 months


So six months ended in July - I got the appointment card and ignored it because my mom had to have minor surgery on her throat (she had cancer about 10 years ago) and my son was in "rehab"


I then got a letter from the hospital this month (August) - I have two lumps under my right arm and I am broke out in a rash all over that bleeds in spots and my skin has tore open in a few places on my wrists.


For years I have not felt good anyway and been under a lot of stress.


I have before stated that I would avoid cancer screenings much less get treatment-MY MIND HAS NOT CHANGED...


I will be having to drop my health insurance and will possibly lose my house.


I have been able to get the yard cleaned up - gecko lizards are hatching out of my compost box :) and I have a small garden - got some peas and beans out of it.


I am getting a little more work and will be able to collect disability shortly


I REFUSE TO BECOME A BURDEN ON MY LOVED ONES - they have exhausted all means helping me and my family anyway


I have found out where uninsured people can get medical care and I got a discount prescription card


and besides a new kind of that party drug "Ecstacy" or "X" may be approved for cancer treatment and that sounds dangerous, the new prescription drug abuse is on the way like with rx marijuana...


and maybe all that lumps and rash is just nothing anyway


I am at peace with myself and believe no one will hurt too bad over me because I have disappointed my family, failed with my kids and most of all disappointed in myself for not being able to support my family, financially or emotionally. And I have not been able to keep up the family home.


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